When Jamie Moyer is starting a game against the Fish at home, you pretty much have two choices, Marlins fans: 1) heavily medicate yourself and watch only the top half of each inning, or 2) skip the game to do something that doesn’t make you feel like ripping all your hair out and screaming, and just check the box score the next day to confirm all of the zeros you knew were coming anyway.
Hopefully you opted for choice #2, because even the most potent of meds could not possibly have shielded you from the displeasure of watching what went down at Land Shark Stadium Thursday Night as the Fish took on the Phillies to kick off the post- All Star stretch of the season.
Jorge Cantu singled in the fifth inning. Ronny Paulino walked. And that’s it. One single and a base on balls is all Fish fans had to cheer about offensively last night. Moyer went seven innings, gave up one hit and one walk, and then the Phils bullpen took over where he left off, not allowing a base-runner in the final two innings.
There shouldn’t even be a Marlins lineup when Grandpa Moyer is on the mound. Seriously, what a complete waste of energy. Just give the boys a night off to relax, and send a string of lifeless mannequins to the plate in their place. The results, I assure you, could not be any worse than what we’re used to seeing from the Fish when Moyer is pitching.
While Moyer was doing his thing, Chris Volstad was doing his as well: leaving pitches up in the zone to yield his 18th, 19th and 20th home runs of the season. So instead of gaining ground on the Phillies, the Marlins are now five games back in the division.