Take Me Out to the…Concert

"In our continuing effort to provide the best entertainment value in South Florida, we are proud to once again present the best promotional line-up in Major League Baseball."   ~Sean Flynn, Marlins VP of Marketing

Mirror_dice_1I don’t know about you, but Mr. Flynn’s words are certainly a relief to me. I was starting to get a little worried that the Marlins had stopped caring about providing us with entertainment of any kind. Silly, I guess, but they did sort of trade away the team’s most entertaining players this off-season, so my concerns weren’t completely unfounded. Apparently, though, we can now breathe a collective sigh of relief. The Fish still care about us!

Whew.

Every team has its own strategy for building and maintaining its fan base, and I guess this is the Marlins’. Some teams ignorantly use their budget to sign top-of-the-line talent. Ridiculous! Where has this ever gotten a franchise, besides the World Series? It is baffling how teams continue to waste precious cash for a quality starting lineup, when those dollars could be so much better used to provide a killer post-game lineup. Obviously, the members of an active roster are of significantly less value to baseball fans than the ex-American Idol contestant who will be crooning to them after the game.

Some Clubs just don’t get it. You see, when I spend my hard-earned cash on a baseball ticket, I need to be assured that my night at the ballpark will be a musically gratifying experience. And no, a passel of scantily-clothed **** jobs in spandex undulating to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” is not what I have in mind.

For years I naively believed that “the best entertainment value” in Major League Baseball is what happens during the game. You know, a quality product on the field, nine innings of good baseball 81 times a year, blah blah blah. But the Marlins have opened my eyes to the truth. The best promotional lineup is what every true baseball fan is after. A quality product on the field is completely unnecessary, so long as I’ve got fireworks and a super neat plastic bobble head to take home with me.

We may not have any wins in 2008, but by cracky, we will have music. And the best darned fuzzy mirror dice MLB has ever passed out at a front gate (to inquire about season tickets, please call 1-877-Marlins).

4 comments

  1. Russell

    Kelly-the new GM of my newly adopted Vancouver Canadians has promised to bring F-U-N to the ballpark, and have lots of “whacky promotions”. He seems to be particularly proud of his “Mike Tyson ear night” and his “bobble butt” night. I am already plotting his painful death.

  2. Kelly

    Russell – I have been eagerly waiting for “bobble butts” to catch on here in the states. Canada is so far ahead of us in so many important areas.

    Please let me know when this Mike Tyson ear night is to take place, as I will be planning this year’s vacation around it. I’ve got no clue who the Vancouver Canadians are or what sport they play, but as this entire post would indicate, the game is secondary to the real star of the show– the killer promos.

  3. Russell

    Kelly- “Mike Tyson ear night” is already sold out (it’s a national holiday here in Canada).
    mtaviano- a “bobble butt” is exactly what it says.They will almost certainly arrive in the US this year.

    Need I add that the guy behind these ideas arrived from Fort Myers, which I believe is in Florida. Apparently he said that his ideas were “too highbrow” for the locals.

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